A Vulnerable You.

If you were to take apart the person you are right now, take yourself down to your most vulnerable level. The place you work so hard to stay out of… Take everything away, your home, your car, your things, everything but the clothes on your body, who would you be?

Most of us would answer with: Homeless, broke, nothing, nobody…

Lets go with the word- Reborn

We so often hide behind these facades. I’m a lawyer and I am rich, I’m a mother and a wife and I am happy, I’m a college student and working full time, this is my life. Sure, this is life. These are the things that we go through to make ourselves better, to chase our dreams and to support our families. But just because we have a job, just because we have a house and a family or a ton of stuff we spent money on, does not make us who WE really are.

The person you are is deep inside, it’s behind all of those fears, all of the things you have been running from and hiding, the things you have a hard time telling other people, and even a harder time admitting to yourself.

If you take everything away, and just leave you. Who are you? Are you happy with yourself and your life? Your decisions? It’s hard to face yourself, in fact some people go through life never facing the person they are, they say they are happy and content and leave it at that. There are a select few of us who purposely take ourselves to that extreme level of being vulnerable, because we want to make sure that we fully love the person we are underneath all of the stuff and decisions we make.

We can portray ourselves to be whatever we want, especially with technology these days, we can truly hide every bad part of us that we are unhappy about. But why would you want to? Surely this will come back to bite you in the butt? Why not face those fears now, No matter where you are in life. Do what is necessary to dive into yourself and start picking away the things that scare you, and the things that are keeping you from being completely happy, and then when you find them, embrace them, understand them and learn to love them. Because they in fact, make you who you really are.

By doing this you may find a new path in your life, you may open yourself up for more possibilities, and things that you would typically not do if you were scared. You may not even change at all, but just come to a better understanding of yourself as a person.

By finding yourself, you will no longer be scared of the future, because you will have already been happy at your most vulnerable. You will be calmer and more motivated at trying new things, because you already know that the worst that can happen is you fail, which brings you back to the bottom… But you have already been to the bottom, and you were happy, so whats really so bad about it? This is how so many people become so successful. They have a firm understanding of who they are and what they want, because they lived in a vulnerable stage of life that made them grow and face their fears. They refuse to change for anyone and hold strong to their dreams, their motivation and what they love. No matter how many times they have to pick themselves back up.

So tell me, if you took everything away, who would you be?

And why are you not doing everything in your power to be a happier you?


When you are lost, follow me.


Follow me through the ray’s of sunshine; you know the ones, they often hide among the trees, picking their favorite spots to shine light onto. The same rays that often appear on the ocean surface, making it shimmer, sparkle and bright. 

If the sun won’t lead you to me, then choose the rain. The thunderous downpour in a dense rainforest, or maybe the light sprinkle you find at dawn on a summers day. The nourishing rain will be sure to lead you through the puddles and mud and dripping leaves. 

If the rain is too sad and guides you wrong, wait for the wind. Perhaps the gusts that shake the trees, or maybe a gentle breeze that kisses your face. The wind will blow and break, but it will also spin you around to where you need to be. 

If you tire from a long day and still find me lost. Lay on the ground in an open clearing and look towards the sky. Surely the stars will guide you as they are gentle and kind. As you lay there, notice the bigger ones, the dim ones, the clusters and the shapes that form. The questions and answers the stars always seem to bring. 

You will fall asleep under those stars, but they still don’t seem to give you the answers you seek or the path to follow. 

You wake however to a gust of wind, a droplet on your cheek, a storm is brewing on the horizon, you seek shelter by the roots under a large old oak tree, you lay there scared that this storm may take you, that it has already taken me… 

slowly you begin to awaken, you fell asleep as the storm settled. As you open your eyes you see a beautiful pink and blue sky. The storm is long gone, leaving everything green, warm and beautiful. 

You look out at the horizon, you are on a hill overlooking the beauty of the land, the trees and the water at a distance. You sit there watching the sunrise, as it breaks past the earth you become warm, you are filled with happiness and love. You close your eyes and let the feeling engulf you. 

After all the searching, all the heartache and pain, all the storms and tears. You have found me, right at the beginning. I was in you all along, waiting for a chance to be released, to break free and to guide you through this life. 

I will keep you safe, I will keep you warm and I will love you. Just remember to keep yourself open to me so we can both shine. 

Now follow me through this beautiful life.                              JS

— Whether you seek love, acceptance, a career, an idea or are completely lost. We all must remember our strength and what we can achieve through it. We may believe our strength comes from others or perhaps we don’t believe we have any at all. We must face long journeys, many storms and tears to find it. Each time we will get closer, it may even alude us until we are sure it will never show. But it will find you and when it does you will shine. 

Life goes on…

“Men are cowards and we are Queen’s. We are intimidating and strong and that scares the hell out of them. If I ever find another man, he will not be my Prince, or my Warrior, he will be my Sword, the only thing that strong women like us can ensure will not stab us in the back.”   -Jen Sparkes


Hold yourself too much in the future and it will turn around to bite you in the ass. And it did just that…

I dreamt of my future with him constantly, of our soon to be marriage, our time together we could spend traveling, the memories we would make. I was so far in the future that I missed what was happening in the now, which was the downfall of our relationship. He wasn’t willing to give it his all, he later called himself scared, unable to figure out what was wrong with him and use other constant excuses to try and make himself feel better about the situation. All I wanted was for him to fight for me, but how can you ask someone to do that when they can’t even fight for themselves?

Now I’m back picking up the pieces, a game I so often find myself in. This time however I’m inspired, i’m learning from my mistakes.. these lessons suck, they hurt and they tear me apart… But what’s the point of them happening if I can’t learn from them?

I’m going to spend more time in the now, I’m going to stop looking to the future so much and stop letting my heart beat for people who are not willing to sacrifice anything for me. I’m going to keep myself in my little protective circle and stop letting myself out so easily.

I am not going to let this experience keep me from closing down completely. Im going to stay open to love and light, I’m going to stay positive and fight through these shitty feelings, I’m going to come out of this a better person. And I hope one day someone see’s me for who I am and what I have to offer without me having to sacrifice everything to them first.

And so life goes on…

On this path alone…

I just let go of the one person I’ve loved more than anything, and it was so he could take the path of self-realization. I’m not sure if he will come back to me, but if he doesn’t it means he obviously found something in himself worth acting on. I love him so much that It is worth letting him go so he can find his happiness. Even though it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and it may not lead to mine.

In the meantime, I’m staying positive that the universe will do what need’s to be done for the both of us. I always preach living life to the fullest and living your dreams, so I’m going to continue to do so, even though my partner is no longer at my side. Because of course, Everything we ever wanted is on the other side of fear. So I’m going to look fear right in the face and tell it to throw everything it’s got at me, I’m ready to start my future.


Wild Horses


Wild Horses

We no longer have large amounts of wild horses, or anything wild for that matter, we catch, cage and use everything in this world and claim it as ours. Besides the entertainment, meat, fur and valued goods from beautiful creatures we take, I also believe we do this because they are wild, and we are scared of what is free. Freedom scares people, and just like these animals, humans are chained as well. Our happiness and freedom are no longer priority, even though some countries are known for their “freedom” what that really means is we are known for our delusional ideas of what freedom is, and we make sure we keep people in line in a way that makes them believe they are free.

Government- Here is a good job, a nice car, a house and some tax money back in your pocket… you are free! You should be grateful

The people- Yay freedom! Lets travel where we want, live off grid, buy land and do whatever we want on it.

Government- Sorry you can’t do that. 

Get my point?

To us, money, and things we can buy in a store are what freedom is. Being able to work and buy stuff. But we still cannot buy our happiness, that must be earned through letting go of everything we have learned growing up and breaking free of what society claims to make you happy. Just like the wild horses, we are chained by our own belongings, by our loved ones, by our jobs and lives, and even by our selves.

It is more important than ever to realize what is holding you back, what are your dreams? your passions and your adventures you have been wanting to live? Why are you letting them go so easily? What is scaring you and keeping you from these things? Everything is possible! I cannot say this enough. We are forced into thinking we cannot do amazing things from child birth, we are told to get a good job and find someone to settle down with. But as soon as someone breaks free and lives in a tent, surfs all day and loves their life, they are called misfits, rebels and homeless. All negative things to most people, but to me, those words are something of beauty and freedom.

Being called a rebel, or a misfit, or any other number of things means that I’ve succeeded in scaring others because I gave up what everything things should make me happy, for something that actually does. Now living in a tent and surfing all day may not be everyones idea of happiness, but I’m pretty sure you get my idea.

Control and power is everything, just like horses, we no longer have many choices to just wander and run and enjoy life without consequences. When you have a wild soul, people try and tame you, they try and console you and figure out what is wrong with you for acting like that. My friends, we should be the ones counseling them. Do not let anyone control you, run free, break standards, love this life that is given to you. Love others and be kind, and most importantly be kind to and love yourself.

Be free my wild horses, 

reach for the light and never back down.

embrace your quirks , your love, your beauty

and your peace. 

I wish you all happiness and the strength 

to follow your dreams.

Pieces of the Road

I know, I know… It’s been awhile since my last post. Life happened and not necessarily in a bad way. In the last 3 months I got engaged in the most beautiful spot at Arrowhead Provincial Park in Huntsville, ON. Went through the long process of selling my house and moving everything to storage, spent the holiday’s with not just my family but also Will’s. And just recently went on an amazing road trip across Canada to Nova Scotia. Its been crazy to say the least, but with some free time and a clearer perspective on things, I’m happy to say I’m back to share all of my amazing stories, to whoever feels like listening.

This new year I can’t say I have any special things I promised myself to do, just the normal. To keep traveling, to stay happy, to stay mindful and to be the best person I can be. I’m working on each one slowly as it is all a practice and takes time to perfect. Keeping your balance is important, but in a world with chaos, stress and insane expectations, it can be hard to actually keep that balance. I’m lucky to have such a supportive person in my life, it doesn’t matter what dream I have, what crazy idea I come up with, or what rut I may have fallen into. My guy is there to lift me up and tell me “I’ve got this.”  If you are lucky enough to have someone in your life like this, hold onto them. It’s rare right now to find people who not only cherish their own beliefs and ways of living, but also yours just as much.

My new year started off in a great way, with someone I love very much and in a place I’ve never been before. Mountains of snow surrounded us, with more coming down each second. We had a great meal, too much wine and fell asleep on the couch together, waking up with no more than 5 minutes to watch the ball drop then go back to bed. Given the next day we would be hitting four of the major cities in Eastern Canada, we needed our sleep.

Quebec City, Montreal, Toronto, Windsor.

Talk about a great road trip. Is amazing to get so far out of your element with someone to see what they are really like and of course, Will and myself work just as well together under stress as we do on a regular basis. Being on the road and getting to experience so much coming into the new year is amazing and really makes me dream of future adventures for the year coming up. Now that my house is gone, I’m a little more free than normal. And of course if I wasn’t engaged to a normal man who doesn’t mind working, I’m sure we would have already been halfway across the world by now. I’m going to get you there one day Will 🙂

I wish everyone the best for 2017 and remember to get out and experience everything this world has to offer!


Trust, Love & Adventure

“Trust that all you’ve learned was worth learning, no matter what answer you have or do not have about what practical use it has in your life. Let whatever mysterious starlight that guided you this far guide you onward into the crazy beauty that awaits” -Cheryl Strayed

The universe works in strange ways, yes this we all know. i’ve always thought I was put on this earth for a purpose, not knowing the purpose has been the hardest part. I am sure many of you also feel this way. However recently, i’ve only started to realize the purpose may be so simple and freeing that it took every possible hardship, boundary and struggle to get through just to make it clear to me.


Yes this is it, we are put on this planet to enjoy life! How simple it is to take these two words and apply it to everything we are and suddenly, I forget why I was worried an hour ago, why I am struggling to pay bills and why I am so intensely trying to figure out the future and my life everyday. I am just going to live and enjoy life, day by day, hour by hour and second by second. When the money needs to be here, it will come, when something in my life needs to be fulfilled, it will happen instantly. But only because I believe in the universe and what it is capable of. Only because I have the capacity to open myself to the fear of the unknown, that is why I know it is going to be ok.

This is not something that has come easy to me, nor do I stay in this mindset all the time, I lose myself just like everyone else, however I know I can come back to just enjoying life and living with little reminders, quotes, inspiration, and my best tool? My boyfriend, who since the day we met, has been such a big inspiration in my life, someone who picks me up, doesn’t let me question myself and gives me everything that he is. There are a few stories about soul mates out there, some more believable than others, but if I ever did believe I had one, now is definitely the time, if you ever find someone like this, keep them close, they will change you.

In the midst of this crazy world, busy schedules, rude people, and technology capable of keeping you from everything. It is easy to get sidetracked from what life really is about. But it’s as simple as going back to the basics; food, family, love, shelter, adventure/exploration (We had to do something for fun!) now take that and apply it to every day life, if you are questioning something, or scared, think about the basics and see how your decision will apply to those things, and when you are still unsure, use your gut instincts. If you feel passionately about something, even if you are scared, do it anyways! Fear should be the main indication that those decisions are what we need, because without fear, we would all amount to amazing things!

“When the path reveals itself, follow it.” Cheryl Strayed

“Jump with me.” Will Quesnel

“To stay balanced is to lose all of your shit at the worst time, only to realize you never needed it in the first place.” Me 🙂

Snow Globe Theory


What in the world are you doing? I ask myself this all the time, It may not be related to any big event but I believe even the smaller stuff can truly benefit from this question and my asking it out loud. Sometimes you just need that reality check, that clarity that only comes with really thinking something through.

I’ve been in such a good place lately, but even when everything is going perfectly, something is bound to happen that will drop that hammer on your foot and make you question everything that is going on. What the f*** is happening with the universe that when they see you are perfectly content, they decide to shake up your perfectly happy little snow globe and see how turned around and distraught you can get. Only for us to look back up at them and scream and shout and ask what we did to deserve this mess that it just threw at us!

I may be a little dramatic on this topic, but I swear it never fails. Things were not meant to be easy, they are meant to be hard, otherwise what accomplishment would we really feel when we get through doing something? We would feel none, and then with that feeling of never accomplishing anything we would start to become lazy and bored and really hate our lives. Sometimes we NEED that very dramatic globe shake to make us realize the good things. It keeps life interesting and despite the new bullshit we need to hack our way through, there will be another light at the end of the tunnel that will again lead to our perfect little happy bubble we once found ourselves in before this mess.

Now the biggest thing to differentiate between the snow globe effect of shit raining down on us and us as humans creating our own dramatic crap to deal with is, well, one can be helped… So if you know something is not a good idea, if you know someone is bad for you, stay away! Don’t just walk away, run like there is fire under your feet. You will start to realize one day as so many have that there is this little feeling in the pit of your stomach  when something bad is going to happen. FOLLOW THAT! Step back and acknowledge it and thank it for reminding you that you are not an idiot and you can defeat the constant bullshit you may receive from something or someone just by simply walking… Running away.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know some people that I am pretty sure love constantly being in a battle with themselves and their lives just on the decisions they choose. If the guy/girl doesn’t treat you good and you keep complaining about them, then why go back! But they do anyways, only for the same problems to reach up and bite them in the ass. If you hate an office job, but keep switching one office job to another because you think this one will be more exciting or have better people or more birthday cake to eat…. WRONG! It’s going to be just like the other office jobs you have had and you are about to hate your life again in 2-3 months, have fun getting fat on the cake because it is the only thing you are getting out of this…

These people cannot be helped, they need to learn on their own that their decisions are not helping them or making any part of their life easier, so they need to change their path and actually do what they believe in. This is an entirely different topic that requires much digging into, because really… How does one come to that decision?! It is all about controlling your mind and your thoughts and using your intuition and that little feeling in your stomach to realize where you need to be in life, what you should be doing and who you should be talking too. As soon as something feels off or your patterns start to shift back to your old ways, your body is going to give you warning signs that you MUST listen to.

And like me, As soon as those warning signs pop up, all I need to ask myself is “What are you doing!? In order for me to realize something stupid is amidst and that I must leave all curiosity behind and run.

Point of the story…. Stay away from stupid, and stupid choices.


Life-Take the Wheel



That fleeting moment; you know the one? The moment that comes and goes so quickly you are not sure what hit you, but something certainly did and you have the dirt, tears and scars to go with it. The realization that maybe your life has always been a joke up until this point, maybe you are just realizing that you don’t know who you are, or you have been doing everything wrong. But who is to say the new way of being is right? Ever have that feeling? It happens to me in small gaps; the few seconds where I need to stop, look around and really think about where I am, what I am doing and why.

It has become apparent to me that life is never going to get easier, as much as you think it will. Sure when you get older and smarter and maybe even richer, things are supposed to get less difficult and stressful right? Life is going to deliver the same amount of “God Damn’s,” and “Are you freaking kidding me’s,” no matter how smart, old or talented you are, it is going to continue to throw you curve balls and fast balls and sometimes a ball to the face. But no matter what happens in those hard times, there is bound to be a moment that you hit that ball right out of the park and make a perfect run around the bases into the open arms of your team mates.

Life really is what we make it, we can go ahead and complain about the normal bullshit that we deal with everyday, we can worry about the chances we miss or the dollar we don’t make. But in reality, as soon as something comes along that is better, we are going to have this crazy positive outlook on life and everything will change. Well, why not have that outlook all the time? If you constantly are thinking good positive thoughts, it you are happy with what you have instead of what you don’t have and if you really try and make a solid effort to be a better person… Well, your life is going to seem pretty damn amazing.

They say you are your worst enemy, you can single handedly bring yourself down just by a negative thought and that is just the reason to keep those thoughts at bay, as best you can. I will always have my moments where I miss something I once had; The chance to climb a mountain each weekend, to look out at the ocean in the mornings, to wake up under the stars next to a waterfall, to adventure to new places every day, and there will always be those moments that I feel like I am missing out on something. But the moment I am in now is more than I could have dreamed I would have before.

I thought it would take being in a new places, doing something different to make me happy. All I really needed to do was come to terms with myself, find out who I really am and how I think so that when I do get in a rut, or have a moment, I can quickly figure it out. Despite everything that has happened, I am moved back into my home have a career that gives me both my freedom and happiness and best of all, I have someone that will follow me as quickly as I am to follow them. I should have been in a different country right now. a different place experiencing new things, but I am content with what I have and where I am and it is all thanks to my willpower to be happy, live with what I have and love everyday, no matter how difficult it may be.

New memories and adventures will come, but for now, I will sit back and let life happen.



A Reason to Change

DSC_0776 1 copy

“CHANGE” The most interesting and scary word in the English Dictionary. This word has the chance if used properly to change your entire life around, or to make you hide in the closet shaking in fear. Some people love change, and others hate it. But that being said, no matter who you are, change is not something that is easily done.

We make plans with our life and make big dreams and goals, we get into relationship’s or leave them, we try a different brand of chocolate or get our weekly meal at a different restaurant. This is all change, it is something new and unknown and even though most of the change we make is small, the big stuff is there too.

It’s those things however that we are so unfamiliar with that really starts to make our brains tick and to start over-thinking the whole situation…

-Tell me something you have wanted to do for a long time? It could be something small or big, a place you want to go or a new food you want to eat. Now tell me why you have not done it yet?

My guess is you came up with some bullshit reasons; money, “well I don’t have time”, “well I might get to it one day. Maybe you are waiting until your kids grow up, or maybe you are just waiting and don’t know why.

Are you currently hiding from yourself because you have not gone and explored this big dream? Maybe instead you replaced it with other things, as in stuff. People get emotional and society has found a way to make us block those emotions by distracting ourselves… By buying stuff. And I have found that typically, the people hiding the biggest dreams are often hiding the most crap. They are trying to make up for what they don’t have or the feeling they are missing, so they fill those holes in their hearts and the shelves on their walls with stuff they don’t need. Only to have everything start over again, until we are so cluttered in our own crap that we almost forget that dream we never lived.

Guess what, those things are never going to be able to hold any emotional face for long. They will sit on a shelf and get dusty and you will soon forget why you even bought them. However memories are never going to be forgotten, they are going to stay with you forever, even if you don’t remember everything about that moment, you will always have the photos or the feelings that you got from it.

Right now in particular I am talking about those big dreams. There is no reason for you to be scared of change, no reason for you to not go out and live out the things you want to experience. This planet is for us, the beautiful countries and the beaches and cities are for us to experience and explore. Go out and see them, live that life and maybe even make one you never thought of having. Otherwise when you get older you will be wondering why you never took that chance, as you age you will regret not experiencing that moment.

I traveled to and around Alaska on one paycheck, and it wasn’t a big one either. I left people and things behind that I never thought I could live without. But guess what, the people that mattered were there for me the whole time, and when I got home. The things I left I forgot about and never missed. Stop making excuses and go live every little dream you have ever had, the excuses are used in the same manner of the things we buy. Little emotional attachments and things that are trying to hold us back because we are not sure what will lay at the other end of the road if we take it and frankly we are scared.

I have wrote many blogs like this one, but the more I tell my story, the one thing I hear is “I wish I could do that!” or “I’ve always wanted to go _____.” It is really starting to bother me that so many people actually think they cannot do these things. One person in particular is my best friend. She is strong and brave and owes it to herself to step out, but she hasn’t, even though all of the stars are aligned in her favor.

  • If you are reading this. Then you need to go, you need to seek out your happiness and believe in beauty and love and life again. And you need to do it on your own, even though I know it would be easier for me to get in the car and come get you myself. Whatever choice you pick, make sure it speaks to your soul. You can always get another apartment in this lovely town of ours “Insert sarcasm” But you will never have a better opportunity to leave and be free. The people that matter will always be here for you, and some may follow. (Leave a room open for me please!) But it will be the best thing you ever do because it will be for you and because of you that you made it. Just know that I love you and want you to be happy, and will support you no matter where you go.

” Do not tiptoe through life to arrive safety to death”

“If you are unhappy with where you are then move, you are not a tree”

“You don’t drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there”

“Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks.

Life is happening now”